


Chandelier

by kittenofcastiels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Big Girls Cry, Car Sex, Chandelier, F/M, I Suck At Happy Endings, I love angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Smut, Songfic, sia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:30:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofcastiels/pseuds/kittenofcastiels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine Dean breaking up with you so you could have a ‘normal life’, Imagine him coming back to your home town just to find out that you changed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <b>This was like my second time writing smut, it is old but I forgot to post it here too!</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chandelier

**\- Six months ago -**

_“This is not easy for me, Y/N” he started, he had the audacity to look hurt, “but I love you, and because of it I need to let you have a normal life” he looked down at his lap_  
  
You almost laughed at the cliché scene, Dean Winchester professing his love for you for the first time just to break up with you. You didn’t understand what he meant by 'normal life’, your family was gone, killed by a demon your dad made a deal with, you weren’t home that night and when you came back you found two FBI agents waiting for you. Fake FBI agents, of course. 

 _So you couldn’t comprehend what the hell was a 'normal life’, you didn’t have one, you couldn’t go back home where all your family memories were, you couldn’t go back home knowing about all the things you knew, knowing about all the monsters that existed, it was impossible._  
  
“Normal life?” you asked, shaking your head, “How? How do you expect me to go back to a normal life when you introduced me to a world full of monsters?” he gulped visibly at your words “How do you expect me to go away and have a life without you when you made everything humanly possible to make me fall for you?” you wiped a tear from your eye “Was that your plan? You made me love you just to break up with me?”   
  
“No!” He almost shouted “You know that wasn’t my plan. I thought that I could do it, I thought that we could be together and be happy, but yesterday you almost die!”   
  
“It wasn’t your fault!”   
  
“Yes it was!” he yelled “you tried to save me, demon could have killed you if it wasn’t for Sammy, you are reckless when it comes to save the ones you love”  
  
“Had a great teacher” you smiled bitterly   
  
“Y/N, I’m doing this for you, I can’t lose you, not like that” you rolled your eyes “I want you to have everything I can’t, a family, kids, a house”   
  
“But you don’t care about what I want, right?” you could hear the poison in your voice “I never wanted those things, you knew that I didn’t even let people get close to me, but I let you!” you shook your head at your own stupidity “so damn stupid” you whispered to yourself   
  
“Don’t say that” he growled, cupping your face with his right hand, “don’t act like you regret loving me” he looked at you with pleading eyes   
  
“I do” you stated, removing his hand from you “I regret that I gave you everything I never gave to any other person, I gave myself to you and every possible way. And this is what I get,” you sighed “bye Dean” you said as you got in your car.   
  
You left Dean standing there, with a broken heart but an smile on his face, you were going to have everything your couldn’t with him, and at least one of you could have real happiness.   
  
Boy, was he wrong.

**\- Now -**

_Party girls don’t get hurt_  
_Can’t feel anything, when will I learn  
_ _I push it down, push it down_

You smiled to the guy behind you, he was good looking, black hair, tall, blue eyes, he was good for the night.   
  
See, a month or two after you left the bunker and went back to your old house you decided to stop the pity parade you set for yourself. You got yourself a job, not a really big one, you were a barista in the small coffee two blocks away from your house, the paycheck paid the bills and got you food so you were okay with it. There you met Lana, a girl that became your friend, not your best friend like Sam was but she was enough. She took you out every single weekend and with her you found another way to forget. Alcohol and men. 

 _I’m the one “for a good time call”_  
Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell  
I feel the love, feel the love 

“Do you want to get out of here? We can go back to your place” blue eyes asked, kissing your shoulder   
  
“I’m not from here” you lied “but I have a motel room, if you’re interested” you turned around and kissed his lips   
  
“Let’s go then” he smiled against your mouth 

_1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink_

You drank the rest of your whiskey with one sip, enjoying the burning sensation down you throat “gotta go” you whispered to Lana who winked at you with a small smile.   
  
“Let’s go” you grabbed the guys arm and dragged him out of the club   
  
“Nice car” he commented when you got to your black 67 charger   
  
“Thanks” you smiled, opening the drivers door “get in, the motel is just a couple of minutes away”

_1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink_

“Tequila?” you asked, as you sat on the crappy bed   
  
“Do you have lemon?” he asked, taking the glass 

“Nope” you shrugged, drinking from your own   
  
“Tough, I like it” he smiled  
  
“You have no idea”

_1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink  
Throw 'em back, till I lose count_

You kept drinking until the bottle was empty, not really caring about the number of glasses you had, not really caring about anything. You just let yourself enjoy the sensation of being drunk, the sensation of being touched and kissed. 

 _I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier_  
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist  
Like it doesn’t exist

You woke up at 8 am. the next day, blue eyes still sleeping next to you, a cuddler, figures.   
  
You got yourself out of his grip, careful not to wake him up, the last thing you needed was to give excuses or to have awkward conversations with they guy you slept with, it was easier when they didn’t wake up, or even better, woke up before you and left, those were your favorites.   
  
You dressed quickly, not having too much trouble, you were just wearing panties and a short black dress so it was easy, fixing your hair and face were a little bit more tricky, your hair was a bird nest, going in every direction and your face was a disaster, eyeliner and mascara under your eyes, your lipstick was gone though, so no problem there.  
  
You washed your face and removed the makeup with a towel, for your hair you grabbed a hair band from your purse and did a messy bun.  
  
You took your shoes, not putting them on to make less noise and left the room, leaving the key on the table next to blue eyes.   
  
You took a deep breath as got to the parking lot, enjoying the cold breeze hitting your face, you opened your car and grabbed your little bag, you took the Tylenol bottle and gulped two.   
  
Throwing the bag to the other side of the car, you took your keys out of your purse, ready to go home and have a long shower, just as you were about to get in, a voice you haven’t heard in six months called your name

“Y/N?” you turned around to see the meet the eyes of the man you called your best friend for two years   
  
“Sam” you breathed, it was the only thing you were able to say when two strong arms hugged you, making you smile and actually mean it for the first time in months   
  
“I missed you so much” his arms tightened around you   
  
“Can. Breath. Sammy” you choked out   
  
“Sorry, sorry” he let you go, and you thanked God when your feet touched the ground, Sam’s hugs were as dangerous.   
  
“I missed you, too” you smiled “what are you doing here?”  
  
“Got a case, some were-”   
  
“Sammy, who are you talking to?” you froze, and the smile left your face as you heard the voice behind Sam   
  
“Just and old friend…” Sam trailed, blocking you from Deans gaze with his body 

“I’ll be there in a minute” he assured looking at you   
  
“Why can’t I see your friend?” he asked getting closer to you “come on, I’m not that ba-” he stopped as he saw you, his eyes widen and the smirk you could hear in his voice was gone   
  
“Dean”


	2. Big Girls Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Don't hate me**

> _Tough girl_  
>  In the fast lane  
> No time for love  
> No time for hate

You tried to act strong after seeing Dean, after your awkward encounter yesterday you felt like the time went back, all the sadness you felt six months ago was back, you don’t even remember how you left the Winchesters in that parking lot, everything became a blur the moment your name came out of Dean’s mouth.   
  
You remember something about having to catch some werewolves, how Sam asked you for your number and you were stupid enough to give it to him, and how Dean promised that he was going to talk to you once the hunt was finished. Now that scared the fuck out of you, you didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t want to go back and be the naïve girl you were when you were with him, you just couldn’t.

> _No drama no time_  
>  For games  
> Tough girl  
> Whose soul aches

You knew how long it was going to take them to catch the whole pack, probably a couple of days and instead of staying home waiting for them to visit you, you decided to go out and do everything as normal, you weren’t going to stop your life for him.   
  
You went to work, putting a big fake smile on your face, laughing without really feeling it, no one seemed to notice, everyone thought you were fine. And even when that was your plan since the beginning it kind of hurt that no one saw the pain in your eyes, but you shook the thought and kept going day by day.

> _I’m at home_  
>  On my own  
> Check my phone  
> Nothing though

You went home after work on Friday night, leaving earlier so Lana wouldn’t ask you to go out, you weren’t really in the mood.

****_10 lost calls - Sam  
5 messages - Sam   
2 lost calls - Lana_

You sighed as you threw your phone at the couch, pulling the blanket closer to your body, you weren’t going to answer them, you knew that it wasn’t Sam calling, it was Dean and reading the messages was going to be just painful.

> _Act busy_  
>  Order in  
> Pay TV  
> It’s agony

You kept yourself busy, as busy as you could be alone at home. You listened to sad music, which was a mistake because you ended up crying.   
  
You ordered a pizza, scaring the shit out of the delivery guy when you went to open the door, apparently you kind of, sort of forgot to clean your face and you looked like a scary clown or something, what a baby. You opened the box and grabbed a slice, sitting on your original spot on the couch, ordering a movie on TV, just trying to get some peace.  
  
Your peace only lasted a day, because Lana started calling you at 10 am. on Saturday, apparently she needed you as a wingman… wingwoman?, anyway, she kept bugging you for hours and you knew that if you didn’t answer her she was going to go to your house and drag you out if she needed to.

> _I may cry, ruining my makeup  
>  Wash away all the things you’ve taken_

You got yourself ready, a nice dress not too revealing, the shortest heels you owned, and a pony tail, not really caring about fixing your hair. It was weird for you, looking so average, but you weren’t really in the mood to fix yourself big time.   
  
You sat on you vanity and did your make up, you were almost done, you only needed some powder, you opened the drawer that had your brushes and got the powder one, but when you hand reached the bottom of the drawer you felt a thick paper against your hand, curious you took it out, it was a picture, one of those you take in the booth things.    
  
The first one was a picture of you and Dean, just smiling to the camera, you remember that day, you were on a case in Wichita and there was a fair, you insisted on going and at the end of the night you wanted a picture to remember it.   
  
The second picture was a hard one to look, you and Dean were smiling at each other, your faces were so close that your noses were touching.  
  
The third one brought tears to your eyes, there was four people on that picture, you laughed at the memories; Sam and Cas were tired of waiting for you outside the booth and got in with you, you almost didn’t fit in the booth, especially with Sam there, but you managed to get a picture, the four of you smiling.    
  
Your makeup was ruined by the time you set down the picture, tears running trough your cheeks like a river, mascara leaving a trail from your eyes to your jaw. You never thought of how much you missed everyone, not just Dean, but also Cas who was like your little curious brother, and Sam who became your first friend in the world, you never allowed yourself to think about everything you lost that night, everything Dean took away from you when he decided that it was time for you to have a normal life. A life that didn’t include angels of the Lord or a family, or friends.   
  
Hell, you even missed  _Crowley_.

> _And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty_

You sighed, mentally slapping yourself to get rid of the thoughts, wiping the tears with your hands, removing as much mascara as you could, you weren’t going to do all your make up again, you didn’t care enough to do so. 

You never realized how loud the club really was until you went without wanting to go, how the floor felt sticky due all the people that tried to dance with a drink in their hands or how disgusting it felt to walk through all the sweaty bodies that danced everywhere. But shrugging off the thought you walked towards the table where Lara’s friends were, nodding towards them as you sat next to Louis, the only friend of Lana’s you actually liked. He was nice, well put together, never actually acted crazy and he looked like he didn’t want to be there, just like you.

“You don’t seem so happy tonight” he commented as you sighed, you had just got rid of another guy that wanted to flirt   
  
“Not in the mood, I guess” you shrugged “I just want a drink, but without all this people” you gestured to the dancing people in front of you   
  
“You know that there is a bar a the other side of the club, right?” he smirked, you looked at him like a little kid on Christmas 

“Really?”   
  
“Really” giving you a nod he pointed to a door at the other side of the dance floor “That way" 

"Thank you so much” you kissed his cheek, getting up you started to look for Lana, spotting her dancing with some guy   
  
“She won’t notice” you heard from behind “go” Louis waved his hand   
  
You smiled and winked at him, turning around and walking towards the door, ready to leave the club. 

–

You didn’t hear him, you didn’t see him, you smelled him. The leather mixed with the cinnamon and the hint of his after shave, it was all Dean. You didn’t know how many drinks you had, you only recognized the dizzy feeling of being half drunk, maybe that was the reason why you spoke to him first.   
  
“What are you doing here?” you asked, taking a sip of your whiskey, not looking at him.   
  
“I came for you” you could feel his gaze burning the side of your face   
  
“Wasn’t necessary” you scoffed, getting a few dollars out of your purse “you should go” you left the money on the bar and got up, walking towards the exit, you could hear Dean’s heavy steps behind you as you exit the bar   
  
“Y/N, listen to me” he begged, grabbing your arm   
  
“What do you want?” you growled getting out of his grip   
  
“I want you” he scratched the back of his neck “I made a mistake okay, I… I thought that letting you go you would have the amazing life that you deserve” you laughed humorlessly “Y/N I’m telling the truth, I know that what I did was wrong, but I thought it was the best for you, that how much I loved you” he sighed “I still love you, Y/N. But I need you with me, at first I thought I was selfish you know, wanting you back and taking you away from your life…” he trailed looking at you up and down “But this isn’t you, what happened to you?”   
  
“You want to know what happened to me?” he hesitantly nodded “I fell in love with a guy, and I thought ‘maybe everything is going to be fine now, I don’t have a family but I have him, and his brother, and an angel, I’ll be okay’ so I gave him my everything, I handed him my heart with a little ribbon around it. Want to know what happened?” you asked  
  
“Y/N…” he started, but you weren’t finished  
  
“He took it, and played with it until he got scared, or bored, I’m still not sure. He decided that it was time for me to leave, apparently it was for 'the best’. He took away my new family and my only friends” you shook your hands, feeling how they were trembling  "Now that he realized he 'missed me’ he’s back, but I’m not the same naïve girl I was when you saved me, I’m broken, full of resentment and I don’t think you can fix me this time"  
  
“Y/N” he sobbed, it was weird how after everything you suffered, the sight of him crying made your heart ache “I… I never t-thought that t-this was going to be y-your life a-after” he took a deep breath “after me, I really thought you were going to be okay, I never thought about how much Sammy and Cas were going to suffer because of my stupidity” he got closer to you “Cas still watches over you, he tells us how you are doing, well… he tells Sammy how you are doing, I just heard through the door, he’s still kind of mad at me” he took another step “not as mad as I am, though” he got so close that your chests were touching “I wasn’t thinking, too scared to see the truth” he leaned closer to you, his breath hitting your lips “I love you” he got closer “I need you” was the last thing he said before connecting your lips

You don’t remember how you got to the Impala, but you were on the back seat, your back pressed against the car while Dan was on top of you, your lips were together, his tongue exploring every part of your mouth, trying to memorize it once again.   
  
You broke the kiss, grabbing the hem of his shirt and lifting it, throwing it to the front seat not really caring about it, Dean did the same to you, lifting your dress and throwing it just like you did.   
  
“So fucking perfect” he groaned, attaching his lips to the top of your right breast, leaving a trail of kisses from one top to the other, arching your back you gave him the hint, he reached the clip and unclasped it, leaving your front bare for him.  
  
You moaned when he closed his lips around your nipple, tugging his hair as his teeth nipped your sensitive nub.  
  
“Dean, please” you groaned, too impatient for foreplay, your hands reached his pants, unbuttoning them as fast as you could  
  
“No foreplay then” he moaned, slapping your hand away from his pants, he pulled them down, letting his big erection free.   
  
“Condom” you groaned, earning a 'fuck’ from him “my purse” you pointed.   
  
He gave you a look but reached for it anyways, getting the silver square, ripping the plastic and rolling the condom on himself as fast as he could   
  
You moaned at the sight of his cock rock hard for you, lifting your hips so you could get rid of your panties, spreading your legs wide for him, letting him see how wet you were   
  
“Son of a bitch” he growled, looking at you dripping pussy   
  
“Please” you pleaded   
  
He positioned himself between you legs, his cock hitting your core, teasingly. He grabbed it and rubbed the tip along your folds making you whine   
  
“So needy” he chuckled “Need my cock baby?” he asked connecting your lips again, still grabbing his cock, entering you but only with his tip and then pulling out  
  
“Dean” you whimpered against his lips, wrapping your legs around his waist you pulled him in you, screaming his name when he was all the way inside of you 

“So tight baby” he moaned against your lips, thrusting into you at a fast pace "so warm and wet for me" he grabbed one of your legs and lifted it to his shoulder, the action made him go deeper   
  
“Shit!” you yelled as he hit that special spot inside of you “Harder”   
  
“Yes!” he went harder and faster, his nails digging in your skin but you didn’t care, it felt too fucking good “I’m going to come” he groaned   
  
“YES! j-just a little more!” you yelled the last word as you felt your climax approaching   
  
“Cum for me” he ordered as his hand went down on you, his thumb rubbing your clit just as fast as he thrusted his hips   
  
“DEAN!” you shouted, biting his neck to muffle your screams of pleasure   
  
“Fuck!” he growled, feeling your walls closing around him, making him cum into the condom, “Y/N!” he moaned loudly as you milked him dry, falling on top of you as you rode out both of your orgasms   
  
“I love you” was the last thing he said before falling asleep beside you.

No matter how many times you had slept on the back seat of the Impala before, you just couldn’t.   
  
You couldn’t stop thinking, about everything that just happened, you didn’t feel guilty, you didn’t regret what you just did with Dean, you missed him. But you didn’t know how long this was going to last, how long was it going to take him to get scared again, a hunt could go wrong, you could break a nail and then he would want to break up with you again, you couldn’t go trough that pain again, you would break, completely this time.   
  
You thought about it for a while, probably a couple of hours, you knew that Dean was going to wake up soon, so it was a now or never situation.   
  
You reached your dress, not bothering with underwear, your reached for your purse and opened the door as quietly as you could, thanking God for all the practice you got on the sneaking out section, then apologizing to God for all the sneaking out you did in the past months.   
  
You ran towards your car, wincing when you step on a rock, then cursed yourself because you didn’t put your shoes on. Once you got to your car you thought about your next move, hitting the familiar road, you went to your house.   
  
Getting out of the car as fast as you could you went directly to your room, getting the big suitcase out of your closet and throwing all the essential clothes in it, quickly throwing some makeup as well, your necessary documents and some money you had saved.   
  
You got inside of your car again, thinking about all the places you could go, you picked one and started the car, saying goodbye to your house, your memories, to Dean, San and Cas, to Lana who got you out of the hole, to your whole life. 

> _Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking_

Wiping the tears from your eyes as you looked at the road, ready to start a new life. Maybe you’ll be happy, maybe not, but you were ready to start over.

> _Big girls cry when their heart is breaking_


End file.
